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Name Class Rarity ↑ Useful? Notes

Izhmash PP-19 Bizon

Izhmash PP-19 Bizon
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Usable

Not to be confused with PP-19-01. Decent stats, interesting buff tile, but like all grenade SMGs kinda superfluous.

Between Zas (same area, more damage, enemy debuff), molotovs (a lot more damage and damage over time, smaller area), and airstrikes (all the area, more damage) there's plenty of better options to sacrifice your enemies on the altar of Megumin. Can be pressed into service if you're really lacking off tank options, I guess.

Extra notes available.

Heckler & Koch UMP9

Heckler & Koch UMP9
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Good early

Thot Twin #2

Almost as good as her sister. More dodge, slightly less hp, and a flashbang instead of a smoke grenade. Largely interchangeable with UMP45 for most things, but bosses aren't stunned by flashbangs. Slightly worse aura.

Her mod can be found here

AAC Honey Badger

AAC Honey Badger
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Decent Enough

Yet another very small rifle that got classed as an SMG. Basically a 4 star SCW, but with much better tiles and less blah %s on the skill. Stats are ok, but not exceptional. Like SCW, trades some firepower for more +eva on the skill. Whether this is worth it... ehhh YMMV. Personally not, but maybe it'll help for some of you?The big thing is really the nice tiles with some extra shootiness. Not the most impressive offtank but there are worse ones and she'll get the job done for most basic applications.

She's sufficiently straight offtank that there isn't much to say

Beretta Cx4 Storm

Beretta Cx4 Storm
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Not to be confused with her actually useful relative

She seems to have forgotten her skirt or pants, and has a very interesting discussion with SOPMOD about the nature of dolls. She also likes collecting cigarette packs.

There is a reason I'd rather be talking about her setting details than her performance. In the story, she mentions she's actually part of a logistics unit instead of a combat unit, and you can see why.

Her stats are middle of the road, and the skill is actually fairly unremarkable. Uptime is worse than than Suomi or MP7, while also giving worse final numbers. Combine with not impressive HP, middling tiles and the fairly easy availability of better SMGs, and you can see why keeping her in your own logi teams is probably doing her a favour.

Micro Uzi Mod

Micro Uzi Mod
Submachine Gun ★★★★ THE IDIOT ASCENDED (actually good)

Uh.... we came upon a weird timeline wherein frankly, if she had a +FP special item? She'd beat out Vector in a lot of cases. Now she only beats her in many cases and honestly might have more utility.

She learned to be less dumb with her tiles and actually they go BACKWARDS now. Wow. The buff percentages still aren't super impressive but she's no longer a dead slot for buffs. The damage she causes with that second skill? Surprisingly really high, especially in clusters. If lots of enemies are on fire next to each other, then they all affect each other with the burn, which can be really nasty vs some of the later ultra-dense enemy packs.

Aside from that, she's just a Molotov off-tank with an extra nice skill. She doesn't bring anything super new to the table as much as she's the pretty nice version of a dish you thought you'd never like.

Type 64 Mod

Type 64 Mod
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Expensive for what she is but not the worst thing if you really want to use her

She gets debuffs that work even if the flashbang part of her skill doesn't, which makes her slightly more useful than a normal flashbang SMG. On the other hand, she's still a modded doll and thus expensive to build. She isn't useless, but justifying her cost when so many good mods exist that you'd want to get before her means that by the time you get her, she's probably not going to be your number one pick anyway.

Pistolet-Mitrailleur de 9 mm modèle 1949 (MAT-49)

Pistolet-Mitrailleur de 9 mm modèle 1949 (MAT-49)
Submachine Gun ★★★★ She Does It For Free

4* version of JS 9 with slightly different stat spread (worse eva, basically) and awkward tiles. Can be used similarly to her, if you don't mind kiting her more to make up for the goofy positioning.

Her biggest advantage is that you will be farming 12-4E enough to get sufficient copies of her to x5 link her for free, but by the time you can reach 12-4E you should have better SMGs.

So overall… meh. Does the job, but so will others.

Sten Mark II Mod

Sten Mark II Mod
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Has no idea wtf she's doing

She's not sure if she wants to be offensive or defensive, and kinda sucks at both. Her only real purpose for existing is "the story is kinda cute."

Base version isn't great either.

CF05

CF05
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Surprisingly useful "Armored" SMG

For once, an SMG that does something different. Her skill at max reduces her damage taken per hit by 15, except since it ISNT armour, it cannot be penetrated by armour-ignoring effects (like explosions) or enemy AP. So, massive multi-hit effects kinda just get shrugged off. Also, unlike shotguns, as an SMG she can dodge, so you don't mind taking ticks of 5 damage here and there.

What makes her useful while shield SMGs exist is mainly the much faster ICD.

SAF

SAF
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Failed Experiment

As a grenadier, she's fucking awful. It has less power than most grenades do, which is not helped by her shitty FP stat, and she doesn't even aim at enemies (she aims at points on the ground based on her location). This may or may not have value depending on what weird niche content might come up, but she's definitely not general use material.

Beretta M38 Mod

Beretta M38 Mod
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Did you run out of other Mods to work on? Honestly even then

For the massive expense of bothering to Mod her and get the second skill to lvl10, you get... a weaker molotov skill than Skorpion's at lvl1. Great?

On one hand, it has the same range as the flashbang grenade. On the other hand you paid the data, exp, and core costs for a Mod. Also, the firebomb goes off the same time as a flashbang, so it's slower than normal molotovs.

Yeah, honestly I forget she even existed.

AR-57

AR-57
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Weird multipurpose SMG that can buff allies

She looks like a discount STAR-chan, although it's hard to describe anything that uses a stupidly expensive round like the 5.7 as a discount anything. She has a three second long cooldown and the skill lasts for two seconds. Her big thing is that she can also buff SMGs. She can be used either a mild firepower buff or an actually not awful evasion buff, the downside of which being that getting her evasion buff to work requires moving your dolls around.

F1 Mod

F1 Mod
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Pretends to be a more Useful T-doll

Tries to have a gimmick similar to Calico, except Calico has actual useful features to go with it. She isn't the worst SMG, and her mod skill makes it slightly easier to move dolls around, but frankly you could have just put a better doll there.

Vigneron M2

Vigneron M2
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Betrayed by skill

TBH, I forgot she existed, because while her skill's effects are nice, she has a 20 second cooldown and 4 second uptime so...lmao have fun with that.

Potentially has uses for some enemies, but uh, you usually have better choices.

MPL/MPK

MPL/MPK
Submachine Gun ★★★★ Neat but not worth it

(Not a Xecty review, take with a grain of salt)

These two units are generally considered to come as a pair due to their synergy skill that isn’t mentioned in their introduction post. The synergy skill prevents the debuffs from affecting your team. To add to that, if they are positioned horizontally adjacent to each other, for example with MPK on 6 and MPL on 5, the range of their skill radius is increased by 2 tiles. So that’s why this entry is going to be combined into one. That being said, you don’t ACTUALLY need to use them together, but I don’t really recommend it.

While very neat, they’re not very good. They have some very large issues that prevent them from doing what their skill suggests. The main problem is that they offer very little damage mitigation to help them survive. SMGs typically being tanks aside, they’re required to sit on the field for a fairly long time to get mileage out of their skill. Their paltry amount of defense means that most modern enemies will shred them in seconds. The second problem is that you’re committing two slots (typically) to run these SMGs. Two full slots of commitment is a large ask when that’s approaching the majority of your echelon slots. They don’t do enough to warrant that investment.

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